Rubbish.

It should be a long post. But I calm, I stay patience. 

After all, 2013, I choose to be a 'silence'. 

I just want this two years to go as quickly in a blink and I can left everything here, go as far as I could. This land, I would never want to stand on it anymore. Left all those sad memories that I can't forget. Pathetic. 

I have my plan. You does not need to go away from this family as I'm the one who will. Give me two more years and you all can live happily. 

I'm just thinking that if I can have that type of phone and during afternoon, at least, I can go for online searh for study thing or at least I can use some apps like google translate. You know how hard I wanted to understand all those school stuff when I'm form 1,2,3? I'm not a genius or whatever shit. I need the advance technology to help me in study. Why can't you all understand me? I buy phone not to play games in it, I wanted to use it beneficially. I have not even 0.1% of interest in games. You have the phone, did you use it beneficially? 

I'm not a pro technologist! At first when you give me you second hand phone, I'm really satisfied! I thought of not buying any new phone as that phone can go online. I tried online and it ate me RM 8. My credit just fly away like that. Do you expect me to spent RM 10 reload on my phone EVERYDAY? I wanna those apps that beneficial to me. Google, Google translate, eBooks, Dictionary. I have to make my face thick and keep borrow dictionary from my friends during my training where many english words I do not know. 

You all had created a moody me and I can't have the feeling of happiness here. You all last time had created a very sad and unforgettable memories for me. Now, you add some more and my heart were totally dead. All happiness that once lived in my heart had now all gone and my heart had totally become black. 

# You trusted what your friend said instead of trusting your sis. Cheat during exam huh? You know how hard I worked for my every exam throughout this three years? I even had a big fight with big bro when he disturb me study. Your one question had destroy me. I studied every subject and memorise everything in those 7 subject and also my MORAL, SENI, SIVIK, JASMANI! I even memorise those!! And yet you said, I cheat. You trust your friend instead of me. After that, I had no more mood to study. Thank to you, I didn't memorise anything after that and I started to neglected my study. You created a big scar for me. Of course. I'm jealous. Relatives, family, you got every of their attention and I'm just left behind. Alone. I'm hard to communicate with you all since from small you all just ignore me. How can I wanted to talk with you all the way I want? You all had been ignore me since I'm small. Of course you doesn't know the feeling because you are the apple of everyones' eye. And I had be facing this all silently for 15 years. I had enough. You wrote on your blog about how bad I am. I'm fine. Because I'm used to it already. Brother did post on fb and you post on blog. A great combination. And I had no more face to talked to anyone, to face anyone. THANK YOU. YOU ALL ARE TOO GREAT. 

This time, I didn't even drop a tears of sadness as I does not want to waste anymore tears on things like this. 

Tears of sadness, I had drop too much... It's enough for me. I'll end up in mental hospital one day. 

But I don't wish to end up there. What I just wish is that this two years, please move faster. I may end up crazy if the time walked as slowly as a turtle. 

You all had been ignore me for such a long time. Family, relatives. How I wanna talk properly with you guys? How can I smile when there's big scar in my heart? How I want to communicate very well with you guys? I choose to be in silence... Continue ignore. I don't mind. I'm totally use to it. 

No one know how I feel right now. "Silence is the best policy." 2013, that's my motivation quote. 

OMG! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!

OMMMGGGG~~! 

Seriously................. I felt like dreaming!!! Someone.......... PLEASE!!! Pinch me hard hard!!

Dad just came in and give me some money.... =.=" haha! lolx! It's for my IPHONE!!!!! At last, finally, oh yeah... No more depressed, no more crying in the midnight! =P 

Felt so damn happy now! =) Now got mood to do things le!! 

Iphone! Wait for me! Please, don't so quickly finish stock!! >.< 

I decided le! This will be my last thing I asked from daddy and mummy *Other than asking you guys sponsor me go overseas to study!* I won't ask you guys to buy me laptop just like all my siblings did. If after form 5, I really want a laptop, I shall go work!!! =) After SPM, straight away work!! Suppose to plan to work this year end but who knows, an important competition pop out~ >.< 

But I just don't want to work at daddy's shop! First reason = I want gather many many working experiences. I think working at daddy's shop, I won't get many experience. Family shopp bah. It's diff. Second reason = If working at daddy's shop that's mean my salary will come from dad! I don't want!!! x( It's just seem like the money still come from dad. Hmm, I want my first salary to come from outsider! You all may think I'm lazy or don't want to help out in the shop... It's okay! Just think so if that's make you guys felt better. My friends always said me macam macam!I admit it! haha! Indeed, I'm a girl who think a lots and will think dao very far! 

Back to the topic! =) I'm goona get my Iphone soon! Hopes it's a smooth road...

Few days ago, I got so damn moody! Like my friend, got the depressed virus! I'm sure he spread it to me!! =( Due to unable to get an Iphone! but now I'm fully recovered!! =) thanks daddy and mummy! Love you all! Muackkkzzz! 

Oh ya! My mum gave me an amount of money for my PMR result. For me it's far too much! I put some back to the place where my mum always put her money!!! hehehehe! shhh! that's my secret. That's the good of staying at home alone~ =P haha! lolx! While, my grandpa gave me too! haha! lolx! Thank you all of you! =) I will keep it and not to use it. Plan to use for uni! Although I still have 2 years to go, but I know. The subject that I wished to take kinda need lots of $$$! So, of course, I will not able to pay all myself but trying my best to settle my own. Best of all, I wished for a scholarship and that's the reason I study hard. In order to have the chance to study what I want to study! 

Study hard -----> Straight A -----> Scholarship -----> Dreamed uni and subjects -----> Achieve ambition. So, very clearly, that's what I'm thinking now. In order to achieve my ambition, I have to study and get excellent result for the subjects. In order to be able to study at the uni that I wanted and take the subjects I want, I have to get scholarship as I realised that the uni and subjects I wanted to take will cost many 000 at the back. In order to get scholarship, I have to study hard and get super excellent results! =) That's what I'm casing for. All this achieve, you tell me the world end, I'm okay with it. =) 

p/s You may think I'm useless because keep asking things from parents. But don't forget, you ever did it too. You can have your first own phone while I'm keep having the second hand. I'm not rubbish bin. Do you like to be rubbish bin or second hand? No, I don't. After all, my uniforms, shirts everything. It's unfair but patience still exist in my heart. 

After all, I still love you all! 

#Next post gonna write my AIMS YEAR 2013! =) I wanna make myself clear on what I shud do and what I shud achieve in order to improve myself! =)

24/12/2012

Yo whassup guys?!  

Today have meeting with all the form 4! =) *although not all is coming.. 

hahahaha! idk what to wirte.... bla bla bla~~ =.="

I loved the feeling when all same batch people gather and have some happy fun meeting! haha! but to say the truth, I VERY ANTI TO HAVE MEETING!!! I DISLIKE MEETING! BUAHAHAHAHAHA! Lolx! 

After that, we (IngIng, CaCa, MoMo, SuSu, NaNa, LuenLuen) went to have our lunch!! *can't bear to hear my stomach calling me to fill something into it! =P went to x-cuisine again. Seems like the worker recognise us as we make the loudest sound during last time! xDD hahaha! uhuu~ we are famous! >.< 

Ate a lot and wanna diet!!! T.T 

Went back to HQ using LuenLuen car!!! hahahaha! really paiseh! 

Recently, I'm really really don't know how to make decision!!!! huuuuuh! HEN FAN ARRHHHH!! Iphone or samsung? Iphone 5 or S3??? walao! both seems to be okay! Iphone have more nice de design! *For me!* haha! but it's really expensive!! RM 2500!!! But I really wished for it!!! haiz! 

But the problem is that I don't know how to kai kou! How I want to tell my parents that I want a new phone ant it cost about RM 2500-2600? OMG! fan arhh! 

Friends teaches me some ways and it's so damn freaking lame! but, this may be a good way! 

Suggestion! I will put many apple at certain places that my mum will go! for example, the toilet, kitchen, living room, bedroom. at the end, I print a photo of Iphone 5 and put it at mum's bantal! =P

HAHAHAHA! =.=" 

 Laugh die die! 

I think the white one more nice ho! but scared it got dirty! 

Praying that mum and dad agreed to buy for me! >.<

My one and only wish!

Christmas Eve is just a normal day for me!

HORRAAAYYYYY~~

HEY GUYS!!! as you all know, I'm in form 3 this year (Felt kinda old!! >.<) and I had just got .............. my....................... PMR................ RESULT!!!! >.< 

After had breakfast with siblings and cousins, we went to school to get my result!!! xDD I'm so damn nervous!!! 

and so... my result! huh! can you guess? 

=P

Straight A had been my aim after all, and I DID IT!!!! =) 7A's is in my hand!!! I'm so happy to get this result. One of my dream had come true. And there many more dreams that I wanted to fulfil too! Too much! So, I had to work harder in order to achieve all these important dreams!! =) 

Praised to the Lord! =) Love you so much! 

*Mummy, Daddy, at first I don't wanna to have anything for getting this result... Actually at the month of January, I had been thinking... If I get straight A, I wanna a new phone!!!! >.< But my sista gave me her previous phone and I decided not to buy a new one. But.............. recently, the phone become sot sot de!!! haiz! keep on jam there, jam here. suddenly off. Very lag too! =( Sad. Now, I wished for a new phone. My friends are influenced me to buy iphone 5! but, it's kinda expensive!!! haiz! still thinking, still deciding! I HOPE, NOW! MONEYSSSS WILL DROP FROM THE SKY AND LET'S THE HUMAN ENJOY BEING RICH!!! WAKAKAKAKA!  *slap slap! stop dreaming, CaCa!! =.=" 

this is my slip~ =) happy to receive it! all my hard work throughout the 3 years were paid! =) 

To all my friends, a big big congratulation to all of you for being able to achieve what you had aim for!! =) Once again, congratulation!!! >.< For those who didn't, no worries! It's not the end of everything, but it's just the starting of everything. Take this as a lesson and aim for better for the next big exam, coming in the next 2 years! Of course, it's not enough for only aiming at it, should add a lots of effort in it! =) But have to enjoy life too! =P My friend, Miss S, don't think too much and don't lose hope. I'm sure you will see the light somewhere in the darkness and by that time, everything will be ok! *OMG! What am I talking??! =.="* Anyway, I just want to say, Don't think negative (p/s Although I always think negative too! not a good thing oohh~) Many people care for you and there's many more exam and every exam, you can surely improve slowly! =) So, don't chop yourself as loser as there's no one see you as a loser. You will really be a loser if you yourself think so! =.=" *talking crap?! IDK!* Stop all nonsense thinking and start your life again! new year, new life. =) Btw, you can always find me to chat. you will feel better by then! =) I will be a good listener! hope you read this and take my advice! =) 

*Someone is depress now................. =PPPPP

Today, went to HQ to help JingJing together with da geng to clean all those old mannequin!!! hahaha! have fun and had new experience trying out new things! I never wash a mannequin before!!! >.< Really fun lehh!! =) 

At first, we started with cleaning using clorox! hahaha! lolx!! It's fun cuz it's involved water! Water is the most fun things to play~ =P When I wash those parts of mannequin, my trousers got wet and thanks God, the inner one did not get wet. I din't bring a spare part~ =P MUAHAHAHAH! 

AHAKKK~ Da mei nv doing the cleaning!! xDD 

All so serious zomok~ =P muahahahaha! Nice hair, NaNa~ =) Those mannequin parts were suppeeerrr expensive!!! WALAO! when heard those price, it's killing me! *mouth opened big big..... thankfully, only air goes in!! wakakakaka!*

Photo credit to our senior, Mr. Clarence Tang!! Welcomed back to Miri! =) HAHAHA! We all xiak dao you will come and very happy to see dao you again! =) *You should eat more!! Si beh, cao di wu di skinny!!!* >.< 

By the way, got the slip! Advance First Aid!! =) I passed both theory and practical!!! =) happy happy~ 

take the course during preparation for ICFAC! =) 

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Sista brought a mini Christmas tree!! =P kinda nice and cute!!! hahaha! 

I like the light thingy~ =) 

Merry Christmas to all of you! =) Enjoy your christmas! *Too early, huh!!? =P 

My post on ylc camp, ICFAC and ch camp haven done~~ kept delaying~~ >.<

Durian Feast?!!

Dad just brought back home TWO!! boxes of durians!! OMG! i was shock when I saw those durians!! YI LIU ARHH~ hahaha! 

Got orange, yellow and white! xDD Eco trying to attack those durians while I'm taking pictures! hahaha! yuen lai cat also like durians!

Mum and dad dealing with the durians while I'm just standing there looking at those delicious durians! WAKAKAKAKA! 

Today I make some cookies too! =) *Actually start to make last night de. HAHA! But.... last night de not berjaya. So today do one more time! Never give up!!! >.< 

What I'm doing now is just wait for my result!!! xD Nervous!! Hope that I can get straight a!! >.<

Many people waiting for me to post about ICFAC, ylc camp and CHRC Camp?!?! hahaha! hao lian betul... say dao like many people view my blog! WAKAKAKAKA!! hahaha! wait I got mood to write bahh~ hahahaha! now kinda lazy..... 

~.~

I'm truly sad.....

Right now, I have nothing to do and I don't know what to do. Wandering around aimlessly... 

I should not be blogging here as I should be at HQ, having my camp with my beloved friends.. But unfortunately, I got sick again and have to went back home. I really don't want to go back home but I have no choice. 

Again, hyperventilation + gastric(I don't feel pain...) + headaches + flu + fever + sore throat...

Around one month ago, I got the news that there will be a camp at Sibu. SHS Camp. I was excited to go for it and I can't wait to go for it. Although all my friends from my school is not joining, but I still insisted on joining the camp. I scared to go there but I'm still excited about it. But now, I can't go for it. 

To think back how excited am I... how happy am I when I got the permission to go... how excited am I... I'm sad. I wished to go. But...

I can't let my mum worried, scared again... every times... got call from someone... saying that I'm in hospital. I know, my mum was really worried about me. Not to go for the camp may be a good choice. Not to let mum worried. 

This is the second time... I went to camp.. As a participant, being sick again. Unable to complete the camp. I'm sad. 

Look at the 100 positive messages that I have brought... It doesn't have any effectiveness... 

I have no fate to go SHS Camp with you guys... hope you guys enjoy yourself there...

Fuuhhhh~

This December... there are many Red Crescent activities!! I scared I might not have time to update my blog! 

Ladies and gentlemen who are waiting for me to update my blog, please wait again!!!! >.< It might take a long time for me to update and I'm really sorry for it!! Trying my best to update everything!! 

Just come back from Kuching after the ICFAC. after two days, I will be leaving home again for CHRC camp for 5 days. 3 days after CHRC camp, I will be leaving for SHS camp at Sibu. Once I'm back, I will have to get my PMR result!! I'm so damn nervous already!! 

Hope everything will be OKAY!

Hope I won't get SICK!

This is what I'm doing for the two days of rest before CHRC camp~ hahahahaha!

Deep at the bottom of my heart...

Really, I'm speechless. What can I do?! I have no idea. 

I really want to get out from this kind of bullshit. I don't want it to happen again on me. I'm really tired. I don't want to feel the pain again. 

Pain till like my whole fingers going to be amputated. 

You don't know the feeling. I wish no one know as no one should have this problem too. 

I loved to go hospital. But NOT as a patient, not as a casualty. I wished I go there as a doctor, someone who come to help people in need. NOT AS A PATIENT. 

I heard... You said... I may have the high possibility to get........ 

I laughed. But deep in my heart, I'm scared. 

I'm worried. Really. I can't concentrate. 

I don't want to lien lei anyone. So, please. I beg you, body, muscles, or anything. Till the end of it, please don't create any problem to me. 

And of course, I had make everyone in a trouble. I don't wish to let anyone worried of me again or anything. And, all, everyone, thanks for helping me during the moments that I need you guys the most. You guys are the best. Thanks a lot and sorry, ma fan you all. Sincerely. 

I'm scared. I'm worried. I'm confuse. I'm sad. 

But I know, I can't give up at this moment. As I trust everything will turns well. 

Cheers girl! =)

News to share!! =)

Hey guys! =) it had been a long time since I wrote the last post. Kinda lazy + busy!! Apologised for it!! 

Life is full of surprised!! =) I got a big big big new that I never ever think of it. =) This is really my golden opportunity!! And I'm glad to have this chance and I will appreciate it. Gonna work extra extra hard!! =) 

Although we are not the ideal team that you guys want, but we will do our best in it!! SJRC Jia You!! Guys, we must drink more oil!!! =) 

One day, after an activity at HQ, when go home, suddenly phone rang. Unfortunately, I was sleeping. So many calls and messages!!! =.=" When I wake up, I also shock dao! WAKAKAKA! ask me to open facebook and check my inbox!! WAAHHH~ Surprise came and I was like.......................... Silence. Tears falls! Happy tears. 

Never though of having this chance. This is just like...... WAKAO! Dunno how to describe!! =) 

This new had change all of our planning during holiday!! Our plan to go shopping, go beach republic, go durians' estate, go church, go swimming, go overnight at friends' house all spoiled. But although our plan had spoiled, but we are happy that our plan had change to something more beneficial! and something more fun. more adventurous. more challenging. People may think why we so stupid willing to spent our time on training, competition but for me, it's worth more than anything. You never try, you will never know how it's feel. The process of learning FA is just awesome! =) It may be tired, but trust me, IT WILL BE SO DAMN FUN!  

Just scare during the competition, the night before cant sleep again!! GRR! like last time, IUFAC! sleep at 1am like that, wake up at 430am!! WALAO! Once open my eye, straight away the image of the competition pop out. hahaha! =.=" I still remembered, got one night, James's phone alarm rang. The song is, "I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!!!" HAHAHAHAHA! he set de alarm but we are the one who wake up and he still sleep like a pig! =.=" Also one of the IUFAC night, we closed the light already and suddenly the toilet door open and we all were SHOCK!! is so scary!! @.@ So much memories to remembered and those will stick in my brain forever! =) 

Of course, we hoped to bring something back to Miri. Many hopes on our shoulder and we can't afford to make you guys disappointed! JIA YOU, FANG YII QING!!! =) and my friends!!! =) 

GAMBATEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~!! 

* The pasca is so damn boring. Everyday kena marah. Sien! Pasca is for fun, not to exposed us on next year study thingy. You think you say all those will masuk our brain!!? Can't even give us rest!! =.=" haiz! Just like wasting time. Nasib got our teacher, or else next monday let you handle that session you cai know! =( OPPSS! I just remember got many spy here. Few days later call me to see guru disiplin again!? o.O Shouldn't be affected by this not important things. There's more more important thing!!! 

It will be a busy months for me. I think I will put aside my blog. Sad. Nvm, once I'm free, I will update again! =) 

Cegah Kebakaran! 22.09.2012

YOSH! It's cegah kebakaran! this is the activity you guys should join if you guys want to have the badge!! =) haha! 

Not much can come to help out in the activity! haha! but, I think all those who come really work hard on it and make it a successful activity! =) haha! 

*YES! Got the chance to use the fire extinguisher!!! xD* 

This is what Alvin do when he is boring!!! xD HAHAHA! He said that he is the son of me and Sharon!! @.@

I slept early last night!! Around 8pm++ like that!! OMG! hahahaha! First time sleep so early! haha! 

2012 3A Choir!!

Choir!! =P My class took part in it! haha! And we won the first prize for form 3 in the competition!! Congrats guys!! We all did a great job!! =)))

<3 LOVE YOU ALL!! <3 

2012 Link Mass Enrolment and Telematch!

HAHAHA! I'm tired of update blog! So, will not write much! =P 

16.09.2012! the day after the competition! Still very tired and yeah, I have to go hq! helping out with the activity going on! Although tired, but I enjoyed helping + learning + playing = fun! 

We planned to have a water fight after the activity! >.< and, yes! we play till forget the world! hehehehe! Let's play again in future! =) 

In charge of PA system! haha! I don't know how to deal with it. At first, it's complicated but after that, it's easy! =)))) 

Chiong and Sharon! 

Sister! 

Aduh~~ Why I will laugh till like this de!!? OMG! 

HAHAHAHA! Melissa, I support you! Tumbuk nia! xD 

Playing game too~ =P 

Leo Environmental Project - 14.09.2012 - Special day for you.

Finally the day come! It's the competition day!! x.x HAHA! Quit nervous actually but trying to act cool during the competition. Of course cant show out mar~ Jatuh air muka bahhh~ =P 

Here we come! Gambateh SMK St Joseph! =)

Before the competition start, we got ice breaking! =) haha! our facilitator is Jerren Wong from Curtin University! My friend said that he looked like Jang Guen Suk!! the Korean Actor! haha! I like his straight hair! My hair not as straight as him! >.< 

Start with the first competition! which is BANNER COMPETITION!! hahaha! I thought the banner would be big and long but it's kinda short! hahaha! but, good also, no need do so many things. =P haha! Thanks God that we got enough time! 'Happy go lucky' for someone! =) Everything gonna be fine!! Don't worry! 

Regret that I didn't go and have a looked on the badges that are being sold that day! =( I'm kinda hungry and no energy qu after the first competition since I din't eat anything from the morning!! xDD skipped breakfast and lunch. Didn't expect that I skipped the dinner too! and also breakfast and lunch for the next day. =P 

Next is MODEL COMPETITION! hahaha! this one arh! hahaha! mei hua suo! haha! Simply do and actually I have no idea what are we doing. Nvm, asalkan got hasil come out! haha! All idea from form 5 since they said they want to in charge of it! =) haha! lolx! Nvm, as long as we all happy! =))) 

Lastly, it's the FASHION SHOW COMPETITION!!!! this is what we wait for and we had been worried about it!! Scare not enough time to do, haven't finish the costume that suppose to do at home! haha! But, everything is okay till the end! This is all because we did work together! Great job, friends! =) 

Keep laughing throughout the competition and my mouth were super tired. hehehehe! xD 

Let's not bla bla bla (talking nonsense) here and just view the pictures! Pictures speak how fun we are during the competition! =) 

The Banner! =) 

Photo taking before Lions went off! =P 

Mc of the competition, Mr. Jason Foh!

Speech by Organising Chairman, Mr. Basil

Having some games before the competition start! =D

What are you guys looking at??! o.O haha! Samuel, don't sleep!! 

Together we are one! 

This is our banner! xD

The banner that I like the most! I think everyone like this school banner! =) haha! From SMK Lutong! 

Model! haha! *no idea what is it!* haha! 

The witch hat! Me and Mor output! =P 

Witch of the day! =P haha! Miss Vivian! *You're scary!!* 

Wizard of the day! Mr. Mark Joseph! HAHAHA! We managed to finish it in time! xD *Banyak macam punya Mark!*

Witch and Wizard! =) Thanks for the hard work! 

HAHAHAHA! 

Being asked by da MC! 

Leos from SMK St Joseph! =) We are happy and enjoying! 

On the stage. 

Nice shoe, Mark! WAKAKAKAKA! You can wear it to school if you don't mind! =P 

Sami and Tinkerbell from SM Pei Min!! =) He went to shave his hair for the fashion show! Salute you! =)

From Lutong!! Very funny!! Laugh non stop! 

Models from Curtin!! hahahaha! funny dao! haha! zhen shi de! 

Thanks for the amazing show, leos! =) 

WAKAKA! kena catch dao your funny action! =P

YUCKS!! Keep playing with the home made glue~~ =.=" 

Chan Mae and Johnson, nice post! :D

Susu! Nice! =) 

Dom, Momo, Me!, Viv, and Susu!! =) Friends forever! I'm so happy working with you guys! 

I have no idea how to turn it. =( anyone teach me please! With my prettehh sister! >.<

2nd Runner up! haha! =) Our hardwork! 

I wanted to say thanks for all of my friends who participated in this comp and yeah! You guys did a great job!! =) I'm sure everyone is having fun right!!? =) After all, thanks so muchy! 

14.09.2012

Also an important day. There something that I wanted to give you. But, I missed the chance. 

A big birthday card for you.. but it's undelivered.... my first time doing this kind of thing. and, yeah. I will just keep it. Memory. There's many gifts I brought before but all are undelivered... =(