Rubbish.

It should be a long post. But I calm, I stay patience. 

After all, 2013, I choose to be a 'silence'. 

I just want this two years to go as quickly in a blink and I can left everything here, go as far as I could. This land, I would never want to stand on it anymore. Left all those sad memories that I can't forget. Pathetic. 

I have my plan. You does not need to go away from this family as I'm the one who will. Give me two more years and you all can live happily. 

I'm just thinking that if I can have that type of phone and during afternoon, at least, I can go for online searh for study thing or at least I can use some apps like google translate. You know how hard I wanted to understand all those school stuff when I'm form 1,2,3? I'm not a genius or whatever shit. I need the advance technology to help me in study. Why can't you all understand me? I buy phone not to play games in it, I wanted to use it beneficially. I have not even 0.1% of interest in games. You have the phone, did you use it beneficially? 

I'm not a pro technologist! At first when you give me you second hand phone, I'm really satisfied! I thought of not buying any new phone as that phone can go online. I tried online and it ate me RM 8. My credit just fly away like that. Do you expect me to spent RM 10 reload on my phone EVERYDAY? I wanna those apps that beneficial to me. Google, Google translate, eBooks, Dictionary. I have to make my face thick and keep borrow dictionary from my friends during my training where many english words I do not know. 

You all had created a moody me and I can't have the feeling of happiness here. You all last time had created a very sad and unforgettable memories for me. Now, you add some more and my heart were totally dead. All happiness that once lived in my heart had now all gone and my heart had totally become black. 

# You trusted what your friend said instead of trusting your sis. Cheat during exam huh? You know how hard I worked for my every exam throughout this three years? I even had a big fight with big bro when he disturb me study. Your one question had destroy me. I studied every subject and memorise everything in those 7 subject and also my MORAL, SENI, SIVIK, JASMANI! I even memorise those!! And yet you said, I cheat. You trust your friend instead of me. After that, I had no more mood to study. Thank to you, I didn't memorise anything after that and I started to neglected my study. You created a big scar for me. Of course. I'm jealous. Relatives, family, you got every of their attention and I'm just left behind. Alone. I'm hard to communicate with you all since from small you all just ignore me. How can I wanted to talk with you all the way I want? You all had been ignore me since I'm small. Of course you doesn't know the feeling because you are the apple of everyones' eye. And I had be facing this all silently for 15 years. I had enough. You wrote on your blog about how bad I am. I'm fine. Because I'm used to it already. Brother did post on fb and you post on blog. A great combination. And I had no more face to talked to anyone, to face anyone. THANK YOU. YOU ALL ARE TOO GREAT. 

This time, I didn't even drop a tears of sadness as I does not want to waste anymore tears on things like this. 

Tears of sadness, I had drop too much... It's enough for me. I'll end up in mental hospital one day. 

But I don't wish to end up there. What I just wish is that this two years, please move faster. I may end up crazy if the time walked as slowly as a turtle. 

You all had been ignore me for such a long time. Family, relatives. How I wanna talk properly with you guys? How can I smile when there's big scar in my heart? How I want to communicate very well with you guys? I choose to be in silence... Continue ignore. I don't mind. I'm totally use to it. 

No one know how I feel right now. "Silence is the best policy." 2013, that's my motivation quote.